Sorry Will Never Be Enough
by No Illusions
Summary: This is from Jessica's POV. Her thoughts after hearing her tape. Lame summary, I know, but please give it a chance! And please review--I love feedback!
1. Sorry Will Never Be Enough

**Disclaimer: Thirteen Reasons Why is not and never will be mine. All characters and events are the author's. (So don't sue me please!)**

**Author's Note: This is actually a short little assignment that I wrote for English class. I'm a freshman in high school and we're reading Thirteen Reasons Why. An amazing book--we've got one tape left! (As of 10/31/2009) So, we were assigned to choose one of the characters (not Hannah or Clay) and write something from their point of view. Well, I don't remember the exact assignment, but it was something like that. We could choose to make the person either evil or good. I chose Jessica and decided that she would be (relatively) good--at least, understandable-- for the purposes of the assignment. This is Jessica right after she listens to her tape. Jessica's POV. She's "talking" to Hannah.**

**Enjoy! And please review!  
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**Sorry Will Never Be Enough**

God, Hannah. I didn't… I mean, how was I supposed to know? I heard all the rumors… I can hear you in my head now.

"They were rumors," you say. "You should know not to believe everything you hear."

And I know, Hannah. Now I know. God, now I know. And I'm sorry, Hannah.

"That doesn't cover it," you say. "You put a knife in my back and 'sorry' doesn't change that."

I know that sorry doesn't change anything. But at least you'll give me a chance to explain? In my mind's eye, I can see you. You're mad, I know. But I've listened to your story. Now please give me a second chance. I _need _to explain.

God, Hannah… I was so messed up after Alex and I broke up. I felt so lost. And then I heard the rumors. Hannah, what could I do? I hadn't seen our break up coming… It all made sense. Or at least, I thought it did. If you and Alex… well, that would explain it all. It would explain Alex's sudden actions, why he didn't seem at all upset… I mean, I thought it was more than coincidence that the rumors reached me the same day that Alex and I broke up. Everything fit together, like the pieces of a puzzle. But the picture…

Hannah, I was so confused and upset--confused, upset, and angry. And then at Monet's… It seriously sounded like you were admitting to it. And then I just lost it, Hannah. I lost it, and before I knew it my hand was flying towards your face and I'm still not sure if I wanted to pull it back or speed it up…

And now I know that I was wrong… I know that now. Oh, Hannah, now that I know the truth, I'm so painfully aware of it. I'm sorry, so sorry…

And I hear your voice in my mind, still. And I know that sorry will never be enough…

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**Please review! Hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. A Lovely Ending

**Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why.**

**Author's Note: So, the credit for this idea goes to **theweirdworder**--thanks so much for reviewing and giving me this suggestion! So, this is Jessica after listening to the tape where Hannah's at the party. Jessica is, once again, having a mental conversation with Hannah. Jessica's character changes a lot from the first chapter, but one would expect it to, right? After all, she just found out that Hannah could have saved her! Jessica's very bitter, less of a good guy. Let me know what you think! (aka review!)  
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**A Lovely Ending**

God, Hannah… You were there. You were there. You heard everything… You knew…

I saw you a few times in the hallways after that night. You avoided me, looking away. But sometimes I would catch your eyes before you could hide behind your hair. They were… guilty. They were afraid, apologetic, embarrassed, and… stricken. Like a wild animal caught in the beam of a car's headlights.

But you could have stopped it! Hannah, you could have stepped out of that closet! It would've been so easy… And you could have changed everything. You could have saved me. But no, Hannah, you didn't. No.

Once again, there you are in my mind. I'm sure you can see the reproach and anger on my face. I can feel it twisting my features. I once thought I was pretty. Now… now, I just feel dirty. My life is so messed up. You… you ended yours. But I'm not like you, Hannah. I could never kill myself. So now I'll live with this for as long as my heart beats. I can never escape it, Hannah! And you could have saved me! It's so much more horrible now. I'm reliving it, every moment. I was only half aware, but it's all coming back, more vivid. I tried to suppress it, but it just won't stay back anymore… And now it seems so much worse, knowing that it need not have happened in the first place.

Why did it have to be so hard, Hannah?! You could have just stood and spoken! And then… then he would have stopped. He would have!

Your voice: "How do you know, Jessica? How do you know? I was scared too! What would he have done to me?!"

I don't know, Hannah, okay?! I don't know! But you just hid there, the observer, the watcher. While my life fell apart. How could you just let it happen?! After all that had been happening to you! How could you just stand aside and let my life take the same turn as yours?!

You were a barrier between us—one I wasn't aware of, true, but what does it matter?! You were still there, in a position to keep it from happening! And you just stepped aside. Just as bad as the guy at the door who let him in. You were just as bad as him, Hannah!

Well, now we're even, I suppose.

I can see you flinch at my bitter laugh. You probably barely recognize me. Yeah, well, that night changed us both, Hannah. But it's me who has to live with it. You took the easy way out and left me here—your choice.

I betrayed you and you betrayed me. What a lovely end to our friendship, don't you think?

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**Review, please!**


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